Information and Helpful Hints

When a person dies, family and friends often gather in the hours or days before the funeral to view the body, share memories of the deceased, and lend comfort and support to each other in their grief.

This custom, known as a viewing, is based on a tradition from ancient times, when family members actually remained with the body, keeping a hopeful watch for any sign of life.

Modern Viewings Vary From Culture to Culture

The body of the deceased is typically displayed in an open casket during the viewing, which usually takes place in a funeral home. Alternatively, the viewing may be held in the family home, with or without the body present. When attending a viewing in the family home, guests often bring food to share with the others or leave with the family.

When you enter the room where the viewing is taking place, a registry book may be available for you to sign. Be sure to include your full name and address to make it easy for the family in case they wish to send a note.

Remembrance cards may be available near the registry book, as well as envelopes for guests who wish to donate to the deceased’s favorite charity or church.

If the body is present in an open casket, close family members will probably be standing or sitting nearby. Greet them and offer your sympathy in a way that is natural for you. Don’t worry about finding the perfect words to say – your presence is what matters.

A simple “I’m sorry for your loss”, is all it takes to convey your sympathy. A sincere comment about one of the finer qualities of the deceased – “She was one of the kindest people I’ve ever known”, for example – will tell the family that you truly share in their loss.

Kind words of remembrance and expressions of sympathy bring healing to the family. If the family wants to talk, they usually just want to share their feelings and do not need or expect a response. Often a hug, holding a hand or just the mere presence of a guest speaks volumes.

Guests should avoid saying such phrases as:

• “I know exactly how you feel”,
• “She is better off this way”,
• “Aren’t you happy he’s in heaven?”,
• “Things will go back to normal in a few months”,
• “Now you can get on with your life”,
• “She wouldn’t want you to be sad”

Though well intentioned, these statements diminish the grief experience by putting limiting factors on the present reality of the loss.

Reasons for the Services When a Loved One Dies

• An opportunity for loved ones to connect in their loss.
• An opportunity for taking time to say goodbye.
• Goodbyes are necessary for healing in relationships and often a point of moving ahead in peace.
• A time for paying respect.
• A time for sharing stories.
• A time for honoring the unique life of your loved one.
• A time of connection or reconnection.
• A time to make peace with the finality of death.
• A time to get a sense about the well being of the deceased.
• A time to put a remembrance in casket.
• A time to share a story about the deceased in remembrance.
• A time to feel part of a bigger unit with similar feelings and loss.
• A time for saying goodbyes.
• A time for consolation and comfort.
• A time for hugs and closeness.
• A time for reconciliation.
• A time for identifying the importance and value of life.
• A time to appreciate family and friends.
• A time to accept love and prayers.
• A time to give love and prayers.
• A time of forgiveness.
• A time to express appreciation for the deceased.
• A time to express appreciation for the life of the deceased.
• A time to share the life of the deceased.
• A time to share the wishes and accomplishments of the deceased.
• A time to consider one’s own life and how it might be improved or cherished.
• Focal point from which the healing process can begin.
• Identifies that a person’s life has been lived, not that a death has occurred.
• Notifies the community that this person has died.
• Give those outside the family a time to grieve a death.
• The viewing is a part of many cultural and ethnic funeral traditions.
• Many grief specialists believe that viewing aids the grief process by helping the bereaved recognize the reality of death.
• Viewing is encouraged for children, as long as the process is explained and the activity voluntary.
• The visitation is a special time to find out things about the deceased that would not be known otherwise. This is often so healing and helpful to the immediate family.
• To be surrounded by friends and family of the deceased is especially beneficial to the surviving spouse and children.
• Right after a death, the immediate survivors often feel numb and confused. The gathering helps them to stay on track and to feel loved.
• For many, death is unbelievable. A viewing helps survivors to have a point of reconciliation with the fact that the loved one is gone.
• Visitation often helps to soften the blow of death.
• For those who have not seen the deceased in some time, this is a time to say goodbye. Survivors are able to see their loved one and come to some conclusions about their death.
• Visitation allows us to draw conclusions of our own often necessary for healing. Were they at peace? In pain? Are they hurting now?
• Viewings provide a time to add something special to the casket. This can be emotionally rewarding and comforting. Cards, mementos, flowers, and letters are often great opportunities for healing when needed.
• The visitation provides a great point of connection and re-connection for families and friends.
• It can be a very special time of remembrance, which can include photos, videos, and opportunities for special memories to be written and collected for helping the immediate family members heal as time goes on.

Final Thoughts
Viewing the body is a way to honor the deceased and to break through the denial that often surrounds death, and it can bring a sense of closure to the proceedings. For some people, though, the thought of viewing the body may give rise to uncomfortable feelings, particularly if they have never attended a viewing before.

Unless you are one of those people and you believe that you will not be able to manage your uncomfortable feelings, approach the casket and silently stand or kneel, according to custom, for a moment or two. You may touch the body if you wish, but you are not expected to do so.