Children grieve just as adults do. Any child old enough to form a relationship will experience some form of grief when a relationship is severed.

Children often express grief as “moody”, “cranky”, “withdrawn” or in other ways that we do not immediately recognize as grief.

When a death occurs, children need to be surrounded by feelings of warmth, acceptance and understanding.

This may be a tall order for adults who are experiencing their own grief.

Caring adults can guide children through this time.  Children in grief don’t know how to give words to adequately describe how they are feeling.

In a very real way, this time can be a growth experience for the child, teaching about love and relationships.

The first task is to create an atmosphere in which the child’s thoughts, fears, and wishes are recognized. This means that they should be allowed to participate in any of the arrangements, ceremonies, and gatherings, which are comfortable for them.

Explain what will be happening and why it is happening at a level the child can understand. A child might benefit from drawing a picture to be placed in the casket or displayed at the service when a grandparent dies.

Children will probably have short attention spans and may need to leave a service or gathering before the adults are ready. Many families provide a non-family attendant to care for the children in this event.

The key is to allow the participation, not to force it. Forced participation can be harmful. Children instinctively have a good sense of how involved they wish to be. They should be listened to carefully.