1. Shock and Denial

Numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. Pain and Guilt

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or did not do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. Anger and Bargaining

Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to bargain in vain with God for a way out of your despair (“I will never drink again if you just bring him back”).

4. Depression, Reflection and Loneliness

Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others may not be helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

5. The Upward Turn

You start to adjust to life and life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” begins to lift slightly.

6. Reconstruction and Working Through

As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one.

You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life.

7. Acceptance and Hope

You learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. You find a way forward. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain. You will once again anticipate some good times and even find joy in the experience of living.